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Fizzle Out

from Transients by Jayne Karma Lamo

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about

I wrote this song in a period of peak frustration about how my friendships always start off intense and wonderful, and often appear to just fade away over time. This is a common experience for people on the Autism Spectrum - as we are often very open, vibrant, intense and excitingly different to others who first meet us. Down the line, these same traits that were exciting and fun in the beginning can sometimes overwhelm our peers when they realize this is how it is around the clock, and we can't shut it off.

Autistic people are often also very accepting, hard to offend, and quick to fall in love (both platonically and romantically - but in the case of this song, I speak to my platonic relationships). This is also part of our initial appeal, but we may come on too strong, or people with lower self esteem may distrust the validity of our feelings because they are not used to others expressing themselves in such a way.

What ends up happening is never usually a blow out or confrontation, but a gradually avoidance on the other person's part where I attempt to make plans and contact and they make excuses and blow me off until I take the hint. What I desire is a bit of directness and honesty in terms of what I'm doing that is bothersome, so that I can have an opportunity to correct it, rather than continuing the pattern with others.

The short of it is, I tire of this pattern, and I long for a different one, as I love very hard, and I find these losses quite challenging. And I never, ever forget.

lyrics

Directness fails me
So I write poetry
Hoping you'll see me
Cause I'm afraid of losing everybody

I am choking
On your expectations for normalcy
I don't know if I will ever be
What you want me to be

Why can't you just tell me
What you want me to do
I can't figure it out anymore
And it makes me feel so blue
Ya ya ya ya yo
Why does it fizzle out?
Ya ya ya ya yo
Why does it fizzle out?

Why is it that
I can say what I mean
And you read it otherwise
But you spin me riddles
Meaning implied
To me they just feel like lies

So I'm left standing here
Confused and alone
Wondering if there's something
For which I need to atone

Why can't you just tell me
What you want me to do
I can't figure it out anymore
And it makes me feel so blue
Why can't you just tell me
What you want me to do
I can't figure it out anymore
And if makes me feel so blue

I am trying so damn hard
To exist in harmony
But this constant friction suggests
That the problem, is probably me

Ya ya ya ya yo
Why does it fizzle out?
Ya ya ya ya yo
Why does it fizzle out?
I'm just trying to be me
I just wanna be me
I'm just trying to be me
I just wanna be me

credits

from Transients, released May 26, 2021
Jayne Wood (music and lyrics)

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all rights reserved

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Jayne Karma Lamo Salmo, British Columbia

Jayne is a neurodiverse artist from Salmo, BC, Canada. A solo artist and multi-instrumentalist. She writes, records, and produces all her own music in her home studio. Most of her tunes build in intensity and have many rich layers of dreamy, ethereal guitars and lush vocal harmonies. Jayne also creates music for healing and runs local sound immersion events with gongs, crystal bowls and more. ... more

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